I choose to live well..
I tried to be cool and relax but in real fact I am not. I just like everyone else, a normal human being. I cry when things go beyond my control. I cry when trials just kept on coming over and over again. I cry when I feel helpless in the battle I face.
At first I felt really angry toward myself If I cried. I hate myself when I unable to control my emotion. I tried to be someone who is very strong and with an iron resolve. I tried not to cry in front of Angah and mom because I did not wanted them to wallow in the sadness. Hearing Angah and Mom crying really broke my heart.
But everything changed when I read a blog from a doctor who was fought with cancer. He already died last year and now, every post in his blog was wrote by his mom.
He said "it is ok to cry because it is natural for a human being to feel sorrow over times of hardship. The heart doesn't have to be dead or numb. And the act of crying does not necessarily denotes that one has not got the strength of patience and fortitude. Our beloved Prophet cried over the death of his son, Ibrahim, yet he is the epitome of strength in the face of trials and tribulations. As long as crying doesn't turn into wailing or sobbing loudly, as if we are venting our anger to the One who has decided on our destiny. And that we don't remain trapped in this pool of sadness, acting like someone who is totally paralyzed by what has happened, as if it is the end of the world." And he was also said that " the most important thing is how we reacted after we cried. So a person with seemingly strong character does not necessarily mean that she/ he never shed tears over a calamity. In life, there will definitely be a day when you might fall down. You cried but it isn't the injury or the nature in which you fell that matters but it is how you get up from it. And that is the character of "STRENGTH".To get up when you have fallen down.To cry over something that saddens you is a mercy which Allah puts in the hearts of His servants. And verily Allah shows mercy to those of His servants who are merciful.Insya-Allah!!!
~Mas Afzal Masarudin~
Well to be honest, I cried when I read all his posts. He make me to realise that I am better than him. At least I still the high chance to live longer than him even though it is hard for my disease to cure but nothing is impossible as long as we believed with Allah. And I want to be strong as
“The strong believer is better and is more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, although both are good. Strive to attain that which will benefit you and seek the help of Allah, and do not feel helpless.”
(Saheeh Muslim, hadeeth no. 2664)
Besides, strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. Allah certainly has unique ways to show His love.
p/s: I am learning to be more grateful and Ohh Allah, please give me a little of strength and patience in order to cope with all this test.
p/s2: I hope that I able to meet MAM. Unfortunately I was too late but his writings inspires me so much and I decided to live well. Thank you MAM...
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